Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Farmer

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

Friday, May 30, 2008

Cuz You're My Friend!

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card -- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Heaven or Hell?

While walking down the street one day a U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Purina Diet

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Angel the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

My Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

Monday, May 26, 2008

What Time Is It?

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

Sunday, May 25, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

The Trooper

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Pearly Gates

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

Friday, May 23, 2008

The Genius Dog

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Young Politician...

The young politician had a dream. His dream was one which could change the course of history, so when he woke up next morning, he decided to follow that dream. So he got up and made sure to take a shower and brush his teeth and listen to the news. He was going to bring change to his country, but first, he was going to dress up like a girl! But then he decided the first change would be back into men's clothing. After all, he had to be taken seriously. His dream was to promote less government interference in our daily lives.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday (WW) is a visual blogosphere phenomenon. Whereas blogs (web journals) are primarily about "words" bloggers love to dress their journal entries with imagery. WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that speaks for itself without using words.

Marina West Yacht Club

Last weekend was a scheduled cruise-in to Marina West Yacht Club. Our club absolutely loves visitng MWYC. They treat us wonderfully to say the least. Whatever we need or want is provided and a good time is always had by all. I wanted to share with my readers what the port captain is responsible for.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Monday's Thoughts

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Friday, May 16, 2008

The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. I just want you to have something entertaining to do if you swing by for a visit this weekend while I'm working as port captain of our yacht club. So play nice. Okay?

Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Jesus Is Watching You!

A burglar breaks into a house real late on night and as he is sneaking around the house with his flashlight, he hears a voice that loudly says, "Jesus is watching you!".

The burglar, thinking he has been caught, stops in his tracks. Silence. So he starts looking through the house again when suddenly he hears, "Jesus is watching you!".

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Chase

There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life; he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Riddles...

1. "The beginning of eternity, The end of time and space, The beginning of every end, And the end of every place."

Ian Healy of Ian Thomas Healy answered correctly with: The letter "E".

Sunday, May 11, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Friday, May 9, 2008

The Comment Game

I'm off to the boat for a long weekend and wanted to have something for you to do if you dropped by. What's better than getting to play the comment game? So play nice and I'll see you Sunday.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

First comment: Hamburgers or Hot Dogs?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

George W. and The Queen

President George W. Bush was representing the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England. The President joined Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through the streets of London en route to Buckingham Palace, and the Queen and the President were waving to the cheering throngs.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Explorer in the Amazon

Once there was an explorer lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm screwed!!"

All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and then there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

World Rule Tag

Stine of Mother's Got A Dot Com tagged me with the World Rule meme. Here's the challenge:
If you were the ruler of the world and you could have anything you wanted as well as have people do anything you wanted, do you think you would get greedy and mean or would you be a good and fair ruler?

Bumper Stickers

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

All generalizations are false.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Monday, May 5, 2008

The Accident Report

Here follows a tale of an accident report form filed by a bricklayer:

"I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You ask for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I was working alone on the roof of a six-story building. When I completed my work I found I had some bricks left over which later were found to weigh 240lbs.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Are We There Yet?...

What a great time I had last night. Linda of Are We There Yet? loves Mexican food, but just can't get it in Connecticut, so she traveled all the way to California for the sole purpose to getting authentic Mexican food. Okay, I'm stretching the truth here. Actually she came to visit one of her dearest friends (Cyndi) and meet a couple of blogger's along the way.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people.

He said, 'My son, the battle is between 2 'wolves' inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Do Not Eat Chocolate!

We were raised on chocolate as kids and even into adulthood. I will never eat it again. I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.

This is what happens when you eat chocolate!