Saturday, June 30, 2007

Creation Explained

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

The Flat Tire

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

Friday, June 29, 2007

The Milk Bath

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Hillary's New Indian Name

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday (WW) is a visual blogosphere phenomenon. Whereas blogs (web journals) are primarily about "words" bloggers love to dress their journal entries with imagery. WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that speaks for itself without using words.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Five Things

Shaz over at US Danes & Our Family has tagged me for the Five Things Meme.

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

Efficient Waiters

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Survey

The latest telephone survey taken by the California Governor's office, asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

Friday, June 22, 2007

I Was Driving Along...


I'm driving along on the highway at 65 miles an hour (the speed limit), minding my own business, when outta nowhere there's this big crack in my windshield!!

I swerved right, and then left, and it was still right there!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Hunting Trip

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Sweet Revenge...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday (WW) is a visual blogosphere phenomenon. Whereas blogs (web journals) are primarily about "words" bloggers love to dress their journal entries with imagery. WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that speaks for itself without using words.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Reunion

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

Monday, June 18, 2007

The Professor's Wife

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter that I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I will be home before midnight.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Priests

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your whacker."

Friday, June 15, 2007

The Invoice


The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Big Hearts

Shelly over at This Eclectic Life is looking for some folks with big hearts for an excellent idea she has. So, if you know how to crochet then you could can help. Her idea is to have a bunch of volunteers crochet squares for an afghan, for children who have cancer, and once they are pieced together (she will do that part), they will be given to cancer patients @ Camp Sanguinity.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Tagged Again...

I've been tagged by Little Aussie Cynic. It's that 8 interesting things about myself one that I did a couple months back.

The Rules

Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

The Dinner Party

A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' house each month.

Why I Got Fired

For the Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol , but only one (1) drink per person...

I was fired for ordering the cups.

Making a Point...

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked for a couple of dollars for dinner:

I got ten dollars out of my purse and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Lawyer

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Eight Things

Damien, over at Riley Central got introspective for his 38th birthday. He started a meme listing 8 Things I Know. Damien tagged This Eclectic Life and bless her heart she tagged me. Well, I like Shelly a whole lot, so I'm in. Also, near and dear to my heart is all the link love that happens with these tags.

Politically Correct

He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The USRSF

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These GEORGIA boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday (WW) is a visual blogosphere phenomenon. Whereas blogs (web journals) are primarily about "words" bloggers love to dress their journal entries with imagery. WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that speaks for itself without using words.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Tagged

I was tagged by Mz. Jackson at Coffee with Mz. Jackson...

Answer each question with just one word. (It's harder than it looks!)

1. Where is your cell phone? Kitchen
2. Relationship? Hot

Friday, June 1, 2007

The Funeral

For an inspirational read please visit BLAST FROM THE PAST! The Funeral of I CAN'T over at Dixie's Heart & Soul.

Everyone in the world should read this post. Excellent!

God Saw...

God saw you hungry and created Subway, Chocolate, and Crab Legs.

He saw you thirsty and created Coke, Juice, & Coffee.

GOD saw you in the dark and created Light.