Thursday, March 16, 2006

Thought for the Day

Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Words to Live By

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A Skilled Golfer

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she can join them. Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

“You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!”

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Memory Class

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

Friday, March 10, 2006

The Athiest and the Bear

An Atheist was walking through the woods in Yellowstone.

“What majestic trees. What powerful rivers. What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

Monday, March 6, 2006

The Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family.

Sunday, March 5, 2006

The Rooster

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster—one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

Saturday, March 4, 2006

The Centipede

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. “Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don’t want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different.” The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.

Friday, March 3, 2006

Blonde Dad

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he asks.

“I’m having a heart attack!” cries the woman.

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Rabbit Hunt

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Police Emergency

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.